Coveting

Chapter 8: Confusion

I think the silence was what bothered me the most. I stood in the middle of her office as she stood still, quietly looking at me and I couldn’t read the expression on her face. Years of hiding her emotions to survive made anything short of a mental scan useless, and if I tried that now I doubted it would help my cause. I moved towards the window and stared out at the children playing in the grass. I told her it was her game, so I resisted the urge to talk about it and just sighed. “I guess I’ll take the dresser up now.” I glanced at it, keeping the ache I felt off my own face as her silence lasted far too long. I never did have a chance did I?

“Jean…” Her voice was softer than normal so I turned to look at her and the bluest eyes I’d ever seen stared at me. When I felt the light mental touch I didn’t resist it. I let her touch my thoughts, let her sense my sincerity. Nothing short of that would have probably convinced her it wasn’t a trick, that I really did care. “I’ll see you at dinner.” Was all she said when she felt it, my attraction, my love. It wasn’t what I’d hoped for.

“Sure.” I made a small motion with my hand and had the dresser floating out the door before me. I was the model of control as I made my way to the room, past a few people.

“Pathetic, that was truly pathetic.” I muttered as I shut the door behind me and shoved the dresser into place. I ran my fingers through my hair with a heavy sigh. One thing was certain, I could respect the men that went through this more now that I saw how hard it really was. Baring your heart took courage and to get nothing for it?

Did I get nothing? That thought started to bounce around in my mind as I distractedly unpacked a box and put the contents in the new dresser. She didn’t say to leave her alone, or that it was ridiculous. She’d taken a peek into my mind, a gentle touch, then said she’d see me later. What did that mean?

Puberty had spared me doubts like this, doubts other teenage girls had about relationships and what other people thought of them. During that time my shields were so weak I always knew who liked me and who didn’t. Feeling these sick and twisting emotions now, I can see how good I had it then. It would be so easy to just look, just for a moment, and I’d have my answer. I’d know if I should keep trying or give up. I can’t do it though, it wouldn’t be right. Now I have to sit in my room and overanalyze five little words for hidden meanings. How many meanings could “I’ll see you at dinner” have? And how many of those meanings are the ones I want to hear?

********

The roses in my hand smelled good as I walked towards her office. I left the red roses on her new desk with a short note. I’d deliberated over what to say for far too long until I decided on something simple, with love… Jean. As I left the office I made sure to close the door. Emma was probably already at dinner, and I didn’t think she would have appreciated the entire staff finding out about this just yet. I’ll also admit that I didn’t want this to be public knowledge.

When I got to the dining room I was surprised to not see her there. Normally she comes in early and leaves early. I sat down and kept the chair across from me open for her. It wasn’t that hard.

“Sorry I’m late.” Her voice drew my attention away from my half eaten meal. I’d started to believe she wouldn’t be coming. The strange looks while I waited made me decide to start without her. I’d heard mental murmurs about how the whole Scott mess must have ruined my appetite, along with other pitying thoughts that I didn’t care for.

She was tense, I could see it, but she took the seat I’d saved. “I had to get some files for Charles from my office.” Oh, so she’d been there first. I wasn’t sure how I’d felt about that. The plan was for the flowers to be after dinner. The soft way she told me her excuse made it clear she’d seen them.

“You really shouldn’t overwork just yet.” It was Hank’s voice that answered her in his typical medical doctor scolding tone.

“Really Henry.” Emma glanced at him, to my right. “I think looking through my files won’t tire me out too quickly.”

“I heard you were moving your furniture.” He gave her a reproachful look.

“I didn’t let her.” I spoke with a slight smirk, trying to be as normal as possible while wishing we were alone for this instead of making polite chit chat with Henry. He was a dear, but I really wished he’d go research something at that moment. “Don’t worry, I won’t let Emma get hurt.” I glanced at her and held her eyes just a little too long.

“Oh, well that’s good.” He smiled and I turned to glance at him. He was looking a little too long as well, but he smiled and I started to wonder how much he’d figured out.

I debated with myself for just a moment before I reached out and took the teacup from the table and started to pour her tea. Emma always had tea. I set her teacup a little closer to her and gave her a small smile when she looked at me. Henry’s voice stopped for a moment before he continued his conversation. Surprised him too, oh well.

It didn’t take long after that for Henry to decide to chat with someone else and leave me and Emma alone. “I thought I had a decision to make.” She spoke softly, referring to my behavior.

“I figured it wouldn’t hurt to petition for my cause.” If Charles hadn’t come in shortly after Emma I would have been tempted to force our teammates attention away from us telepathically, but as is I knew we were the center of attention.

“The flowers look nice on my desk. Thank you.” I was a bit surprised she said that here, with everyone listening.

“I’m glad you like them.” My heart was beating just a bit faster. I had the sense I was being measured up and it took a moment for the information I’d gotten when I’d taken that forceful jaunt through her mind to give me the clue I needed. Scott never acknowledged her and even though she knew why it hurt. She was probably seeing if she’d be my dirty little secret as well. She was comparing me and Scott and I knew I had to do better. It would hurt her if I couldn’t, so I ignored the embarrassment I felt at the audience I knew we had and some of their confused thoughts as they wondered why I’d give Emma flowers. “I was wondering if you’d like to go to Phantom of the Opera with me this weekend. We could get dinner beforehand.”

Her slight smile was so brief, but I felt my own joy at having put it there. “I don’t know. Perhaps we could see about it later. Henry would probably have a fit my going so far from the mansion when he’s monitoring my health.” Okay, it wasn’t a no, wasn’t a yes either. I didn’t know how to feel about it. She’d pressured me to make a move in public, then didn’t take the hand I was offering. She was playing games with me.

“Okay,” I gave her a slightly hard look to let her know I didn’t appreciate that. “but don’t wait too long or they might run out of tickets.”

********

I heard the voice before I stepped into the room and I slowed down and stopped just outside of it. “It’s bad enough she seduced Scott, what is Emma doing with Jean?” I could hear Bobby’s voice clearly. “That woman was bad news from the start. The Professor never should have let her start working here. She destroys anything she touches.”

“Jean is too good. Treating that woman like a friend after what she’d done. I would have kicked Emma’s ass up and down the lawn if it were me.” His voice held more than a hint of his anger. He’d never liked her, this gave him even more reasons apparently.

I’m not one to back down from a fight myself. I stepped into the room and glared at him while I made my way over to the fridge. Dinner was hours ago and I needed a snack. I may have lost some of my appetite on the way here but I wasn’t going to sneak off. Bobby at least had the decency to blush and stammer that he had to go.

“I don’t appreciate you discussing my life like this.” I shut the fridge a little harder than necessary.

“I’m sorry, but she stole your husband.”

“You can’t steal a person. Scott made his choice, and what happens between us isn’t your business, stay out of it Bobby.” If it had been Emma to walk into that she’d have acted like it didn’t hurt, but it would have. I was a bit more straight forward in my approach. “I’m sick and tired of being the topic of the day. Doesn’t anyone wonder what Scott is going to do or why he’s run off with Logan? Maybe they are getting married as we speak.” Which was hardly believable, but I was irritated at the speculation centering on me. He ran off leaving me to deal with this, and he’d never acknowledge it. By the time he came back the worst of it would be over and he’d be spared this. I didn’t bother giving Bobby a chance to respond. I just left. The yogurt ended up tossed into a garbage can shortly afterwards. I lost my appetite completely.

********

I’d just gotten ready for bed and the knock on the door surprised me.

“Jean?” Her voice reached me before I saw who it was. “can I come in?” She looked tired, and her voice was soft and quiet. Had she made a decision already? I moved to the side and let her in, while looking around the room to see what she’d see. I really should have tried to hide some of my boxes better. They were a reminder of how my life was falling apart, and I was a bit embarrassed to have other people see that.

Chapter 9 : Conflict

She glanced around the room with more than a hint of curiosity evident in her eyes. I stayed quiet and let her while I leaned against the door I’d closed. “Do you want to sit down?” All I had was the bed and a single chair, and I’d wait to see which one she took before I picked. The room was large enough for more furniture, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to make the room more permanent by decorating it. The dresser was something I needed, or I would have done without it.

Emma took the single chair, so I sat on the bed across from her and waited. It didn’t take long. “A date?”

“Yes.” My voice was calmer than I felt. I hoped she wasn’t about to turn me down and was just waiting to do it in private, although that little mercy was a kindness. Still why would she set me up like that?

“I know a nice little restaurant near Times Square.” Emma gave me a little smile when I couldn’t hide my surprise. “It isn’t far from the theater.”

“That sounds good.” I watched her eyes glance around at the boxes I hadn’t wanted people to see, and her expression softened a bit.

“You aren’t unpacking.” That statement held a question in it that she seemed to refuse to ask. I didn’t really want to answer it either, so I didn’t volunteer. The silence was just starting to get awkward when she finally gave up on my explaining myself. I didn’t want to talk about how I wasn’t sure I was staying. I didn’t want to pressure her by letting her know I was just waiting for her to make up her mind before I decided to stay or leave. “I still need Henry to clear me for the night. He is being a bit overprotective. He plans to give me a full exam before we can go.”

I stared into her blue eyes and glanced down at her lips for just a moment before looking back up. “We almost lost you. It may take a while before we get over that.” I didn’t try to hide my interest in her features as I took in her pale skin. “I’m so glad he didn’t give up. Humor his concern. I’d hate to risk your health.”

“I’m feeling much better now.” She spoke softly, tenderness in her voice that I hadn’t heard before. “Well, I should let you sleep. I’ll purchase the tickets tomorrow morning.” Why should she purchase the tickets? I asked her out. This was new territory for me. What do two women do when they date? Who pays? Apparently this time Emma did even though I asked her out. I would have argued that point, but just getting her to agree to go was enough. Dealing with anything more, like her tendency to toss her money around, could at least wait to see if there was a second date.

It took me a while to fall asleep that night. I knew this was an audition of sorts. It wasn’t helping with my nerves knowing that. She was giving me a chance, but she didn’t really know me any more than I used to know her.

********

“Jean?” The Professor’s voice carried down the hall to her with its unspoken command to wait for him. I sighed softly before I turned to face him. I’d wanted to get to breakfast early and see if Emma was feeling up to working with me on the new sex education class we’d planned for the fall. Once he was even with me his voice dropped to that intimate tone he used to show he cared. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine Professor.”

I could tell he didn’t believe me. Our progress towards the dining room was slower as he seemed to be thinking about what to say. “I’m so sorry to hear about Scott and you dear. He’s… confused.”

“No, he’s selfish. Get it right.” I snapped at him once I realized he wanted to make excuses for Scott’s behavior.

“I’m glad to see you’ve managed to work out your differences with Emma.” I barely kept from rolling my eyes at this. He was fishing for information. He probably wondered how I could forgive her and not him. “Once Scott returns…”

“With all due respect Charles.” I couldn’t keep my irritation out of my voice. “This is truly none of your concern. I know you feel like a father to him, but he has to deal with the mess he made himself.”

“Is this going to affect the team?” He asked after a moment, searching for a way this was his business.

“Yes, Charles… this will affect the team. There is no helping that.” All potential actions at this point would affect our team. Things were going to change. “If you will excuse me, I see my dining partner.” I spoke as we entered the dining room and I noticed an open seat or several by Emma. She was still being avoided. Sometimes my friends and teammates disappointed me. I barely gave Charles a nod as I escaped his prying.

She glanced up from her newspaper and then over towards Charles’ back as he moved to sit in his normal spot, before looking at me again. ~Problem?~ Her mental touch was soft.

~Nothing to worry about.~ I sent back as I was sitting down. “Are you feeling up to working a few hours today?” I asked, knowing yet again that we were being eavesdropped on.

“I don’t know. What did you have in mind?” Her voice held a note of teasing flirtation, probably in some part for our audience, but I liked hearing it.

“I was thinking about sex.” I paused to feel the rooms nervous buzz increase, “ed planning. We still haven’t ironed out the curriculum.” I gave her a slight smirk and she chuckled softly.

“Oh, that was a good one.” She took a sip of her tea, “We could meet in my office. I’m a licensed sex therapist. Some of my files might be useful.”

Warren was sitting a few chairs away, and his struggle with pretending he wasn’t paying attention failed him. “What are you two working on?”

“The unfortunate incidence with Angel getting pregnant made it painfully clear that we are in need of some sexual education on campus.” Emma’s voice became just a hint cooler at the interruption of our game, but I wasn’t sure the others would notice it. “If we don’t teach about contraception, we might as well start construction on a daycare center.”

“Back when we used to have just a handful of students it wasn’t such a big issue.” I started to defend our plans before anyone started to argue. “But this has proven that we can’t monitor all of these students, and really everyone should know these things. If we sent them out into the world without an understanding of their sexuality we really aren’t serving them well. Unplanned pregnancies are hard enough on young people, for mutants it could be disastrous.” I knew the Professor was paying attention to us, and if he thought about this before we gave him our new class proposal it would be easier to get it passed.

We talked politely with Warren while eating breakfast, and as Emma and I got up to leave I noticed his questioning gaze land on me. Everyone wants to know what’s going on with Emma and me.

********

I was sitting on her new couch looking through one of the files she’d pulled for us to consider as we worked on this. The room had been quiet as we both focused on our own tasks for a while, and the silence had become natural. Her voice cut the easy-going feeling.

“Do you still love him?” She asked softly. I sighed as I set the file I had down on the table and looked up at her. She was curled up in the chair just watching me. Other people had tried asking me things like this and I’d brushed them off, but it seemed like something that Emma and I should talk about.

“I’ll always love him.” I admitted, trying to ignore the stab of pain I felt at saying that. “We were together for so long; I can’t just turn those feelings off.” I took a deep breath to try and keep from letting tears start. “but I can’t trust him, and he obviously doesn’t trust me anymore. If he did he would have come to me to talk. He went to you.”

“He was feeling lost. He wasn’t dealing well with Apocalypse possessing him.”

“I’m fucking possessed right now.” My voice rose with my anger at him. “How could he not realize that I’d understand? I’ve spent years with the Phoenix force in my head! It tells me to do horrible things some times and I have to fight it. I understand what that’s like, but he didn’t even think of that.” She was so quiet as she waited for me to say more. I had the feeling that Ms. Emma Frost was playing therapist with me. Fine. “Sometimes when he looked at me, I felt like he either sees who I used to be or this horrible force I could be, but he didn’t see me. Do you know what it was like to feel his fear? His fear of me.” I stared out the window behind her. Was it proper to talk about Scott with her? “No he didn’t trust me anymore. Most people don’t, but it really hurt when I realized my own husband was waiting for me to try and destroy the planet. In his mind he’s an Xmen first and a husband second. He was probably working on contingency plans to take me out if I started to look like I was loosing this battle, but he wasn’t trying to help me win it.” I hadn’t been this honest about my feelings with anyone in a long time, but Emma was a good therapist. She knew how to listen. A part of me was angry at that, because I could see now how she’d managed to seduce Scott. Why he’d go to her instead of me. When she sat back to listen, I felt like I was really being heard.

“He had no idea how to help you. No one does.”

“No one’s asked.” I spoke softly. They ask if I’m losing it. They ask me to try harder. No one asked how they could help.

“How can I help?” Soft words. I really don’t know why they affected me so strongly. Tears started to trail down my cheeks, and I whimpered just a little. It was embarrassing. I’d been waiting for Scott to say those words for so long, and to hear her say them made me feel like a horrible weight was being lifted off my shoulders. I’ve felt so alone in this.

“You do help.” It took me a moment to swallow and relax before I could say that. “You don’t treat me differently. You don’t avoid subjects that would make me emotional. You act like part of me is still human.” I ruined that moment by sniffling and wiping my tears away.

“So telling you that you’re acting like an ass when you act like an ass is helping?” I had to look up at that. She gave me a small smirk. “I’ll take that responsibility seriously then.”

“It’s a pretty big job. Are you up to it?” I managed a small smile back as I spoke.

“I’ll try it for a little while and we can see.”

********

Two days later I was spending my nervous energy in the danger room as I waited to hear how Emma’s exam went. Our date was for later that night and part of me was still not quite believing that I was going out with her. A woman, and my husband’s mistress. A strong woman with unselfish tendencies that she tried to hide or minimize, one that would give her heart completely, if she chose to give it at all, but didn’t give it lightly.

If Emma and I became lovers we’d be true partners. Things I hadn’t even realized bothered me about Scott until I decided to leave him were things she wouldn’t do. Things I realized that Logan tended to do as well. It a reason for me to not end up in his arms when I knew many people, Scott included, would assume that would be where I’d go.

I slipped into the locker room and was undressing when the Professor’s panicked voice rang in my head, ~XMEN EMERGENCY~.

“Dammit.” I hissed as I grabbed the jacket I’d just taken off and started towards Cerebra. Our date was ruined before it even began.

********

In death I am reborn, yet again. I felt the thoughts from Earth and it helped me zero in on the direction I need to go. Logan looked horrible, but I could sense he was still alive. Given time he’d wake up. I focused on returning to home. I felt anger, plenty of anger at the way Magneto tricked us all.

No one stays dead anymore. Magneto was supposed to be dead, but he still managed to come back to haunt us.

The Phoenix powers seemed to hum in my veins. The power was free, and I refused to be afraid of it now as I focused on getting back before that old man manages to kill someone I care about. I could sense Hank was not well. I could feel Emma’s concern for him. Scott was with our mystery man heading towards the mansion, I don’t linger there long. I didn’t feel like allow that particular anger out at this moment.

The ship I’d managed to create out of the asteroid that was supposed to be our one way ticket to the sun took a great deal of thought to control, but the Phoenix consciousness made it as easy as moving Emma’s furniture had been. Still I pushed as hard as I could, because I didn’t know when or if those powers would recede, and I didn’t want Logan and I to still die in space after all we’d gone through to save ourselves.

I really thought I was going to die. All the regrets that hit me at that moment made it clear that I wasn’t ready.

Scott, I didn’t want to die without talking to him again. I didn’t want our last words to be that argument. Even though I made it I can’t help but feel the regrets just as strongly as I’d felt them an hour ago. I want, need, closure. I didn’t want to die mad at him, but I wasn’t ready to forgive.

And Emma, my thoughts about her had been filled with regrets. Too soon, it was ending too soon. With a deep breath I focused on my trapped teammates. Emma had been rushing to rescue Scott with Hank when the bomb went off, leaving them stranded on the wreck of the plane floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I read Henry’s mind to see how bad off they were. His thoughts were disorganized. Lack of water in the middle of the ocean was a cruel joke. It would have been so easy to read her to get this information, so very easy with all this power, but I resisted the urge.

Logan’s thoughts became more organized. He was coming to. “Have your eyes grown back yet?” I asked and could feel he understood me. Just a little longer and he’d probably be healed enough to fight. Just in time too.

*******

“Jean?” Emma spoke quietly as she moved closer to me. Henry was looking over Logan after Emma forced Henry to drink something. Henry wasn’t as bad as I worried he’d be when I picked them up. His dehydration was relatively easy to deal with.

“Yes Emma?” I moved the makeshift spaceship more slowly through the atmosphere so I didn’t cause damage, but I still was moving quickly towards the city.

“What happened to you?” She was watching me and I caught her glance around the ship.

“I renewed my resurrection club card again.” A slight move of my hand wasn’t necessary to turn the ship slightly, but it was a habit of mine. The brief silence was full of tension and I knew she had questions. It took effort to not read them from her mind. “Scott’s already in Manhattan. I hope you are up for this.” The others were a bit worse for wear, but we didn’t have time to stop for anything.

“Oh, I’m ready.” Her voice was full of cold threat. All I did was nod, agreeing with her feelings. Magneto wasn’t getting away this time.

********

Magneto was truly pathetic. I felt sickened to see him, feeling sure that if he wasn’t wearing that helmet that kept me out of his mind I’d have my confirmation that he’d truly gone completely insane.

Logan was far from the best choice to fight the master of magnetism, since he had the metal skeleton, but he stood toe to toe with him and continued with our plan. Magneto sounded frustrated when he was called Xorn, and he was irrational from the drug use, perhaps enough for this to work. When he threatened to rip the metal off Logan’s bones I slipped out of the ship I’d been using and lowered to the ground. He had a city of mutants he was trying to convince he really was Magneto, and I could feel their doubts. I couldn’t touch his mind, but I could touch theirs. I fed their doubts as I told him to address the people.

“Magneto?” I spoke so all of them could hear me, and he never seemed to consider that the less than warm welcome he was getting had anything to do with me. The old Magneto would have made the connection by now. “You don’t look anything like him. How can you be Magneto when Magneto is dead?” His new helmet was in his hands so quickly as he rushed to prove who he was and I almost pitied the fool for opening himself up like that when I was right there. I was about ready to attack when the Professor was there, along with all the others. His relationship with Magneto was complicated and I backed down letting him handle this.

Scott was there. He barely glanced at me, his eyes focused on the battle. When Magneto fell I could sense his pain, his sense of betrayal. Erik used to be a good man, occasionally. I barely thought about it as I moved to check on him. He was laying on the ground, looking moments away from a heart attack. I could hear him muttering “Yes… I… I… have had enough.”

His hand reaching out to grab mine shocked me. I hadn’t felt that coming. The sudden thump in my chest shoved the air from my lungs. Something was horribly wrong. “What did you do?” I managed between pained breaths.

His thoughts were full of sacrifice and satisfaction as I fell. “A lethal electromagnetic pulse. You’re having a planetary-scale stroke Jean!” I could hear him blaming me for his defeat, for tricking him into taking off the helmet in his mind, but I could also feel panic around me. “All that power I stored had to go somewhere!” It hurt. The pain in my head hurt.

Screams, fear. “Jean! Hold on!” Scott was there, staring down at me, and I didn’t know when he’d gotten there. I blacked out. He was frantic, shaking me. It only hurt more.

“no… Scott… no…” I could hear his mental pain as he blamed himself for not seeing this coming, but I’d missed it too. After everything I’d been through lately, I was going to die in his arms. I wanted to tell him not to cry as he screamed out for help that wasn’t going to come.

“Jean, I’m so sorry about everything…” He was apologizing, and I couldn’t die leaving him with this guilt I could feel from him. I couldn’t damn him forever like that.

~Emma, oh God Emma… take care of him.~ She was so close and I broke my rule just to touch her mind one last time. ~Loved you…~

“Live Scott.” Love her. Don’t leave her alone to punish yourself with guilt, I wanted to tell him, but talking was hard and I didn’t dare risk more telepathy now. No one needed to feel me die.

“Don’t you dare give up now!” An angry tearful voice drew my eyes to her over his shoulder.

“So beautiful.” I whispered to her as I closed my eyes. I never even got to kiss her.

“Jean!” Screams, but I couldn’t… so weak. “No!” Goodbye.

********

Chapter Ten: Conclusion

“Did it work?” I heard deep voice asking. It felt like it was from so far away. “Annie, is she?”

“I’m getting a pulse.” That voice was closer and definitely female. I tried to open my eyes, but the lights were so bright I took one glance at the nurse staring down at me and closed them again. “Jean, Jean, can you hear me?” She continued and I felt her prying open my lids which were my only defense from the light.

“Ugh…” I groaned and pulled away just a little in shock. What was going on? Did I fall down in the Danger room again? Everything felt so foggy and confusing. I gave up the battle to keep out the light and squinted up at her. I barely knew this woman, but she worked here.

“Jean?” I turned my head and saw the owner of the other voice I heard. Warren. He was laying on a bed next to mine staring at me, with Henry by his side. “Oh my God, Jean.” He was slow moving as he rolled off the bed and moved to sit beside mine. “It worked.”

“What,” I had to frown a little at the rasp that was my voice, “happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” I didn’t care for his answering my question with a question. Annie helped me sit up carefully when I struggled to do it on my own.

It took a moment to try and organize my thoughts. “Magneto was down, and…” Flashes of pain as I remembered him touching me. Scott crying…Emma yelling… Logan’s scream… flashes of memories that made little sense.

A cool voice from the doorway drew my attention as the soft click of her heels seemed to echo, “You died on us again Jean.” Emma stood at the end of my bed staring at me. “You died and we waited to see if you’d come back, but you didn’t. This time it was my turn to do a miracle.” She glanced at Warren, who was strangely quiet, and I ignored the touch of Annie as the woman continued to check my vitals. “We have a healer here that can bring people back from the dead, and no one else thought to call him. They are so used to you dying they just accepted it.”

“Scott?” I couldn’t help but ask. I stretched out my powers and was a bit surprised at the effort it took. “He’s okay?”

“He’s playing recluse now dear. Hiding away in his trailer blaming himself. His self pity has really gotten quite tiring.” I would have thought that heartless, but I could look into her eyes and see the truth. She was worried about him. Trailer? I reached out to touch someone’s mind outside and Paige was looking at the ruins of the mansion. It was unliveable. “Luckily Magneto didn’t feel the need to destroy our medlab.” Emma spoke more softly, letting me know she knew what I’d just done.

“How long?”

Henry moved to my side and took over for Annie in checking my blood pressure. I spared him a glance, but Warren started to talk. “Emma called me as soon as the phones worked again. Apparently the magnetic interference took a while to disappate after Magneto died.”

“He died?” It was confusing hearing about how much I missed, and I was still feeling a bit disconnected, like I’d been sedated, but I don’t think I had been.

“Logan gave him that warrior death he was hoping for.” Emma moved towards my side, and Annie had to get out of her way. I could tell the nurse didn’t care for that, but I was just happy to see Emma here. “After he killed you, Logan became a bit distraught.”

“We need to give our patient some rest.” Henry must have noticed my blood pressure rising, but I didn’t want to be left alone. “Let’s keep this quiet until she’s had a nap. Our loving friends wouldn’t be able to contain themselves.”

I glanced at Emma and she gave me a soft smile. “We weren’t sure it would work after your being gone for four days, so we didn’t tell them what we were doing.” The smile faded. “Everyone was hurting enough as was. Get some rest. I’ll see you later.” Scott wasn’t going to like that Emma kept this quiet, but I understood why she had, just not how she’d managed.

After a moment Henry was the only one left. He sat down heavily in the chair by my bed and sighed. “Jean, I want you to rest and when you get out of that bed it better not be before I release you.”

“I haven’t even done anything yet Henry.” I gave him a questioning look as I rolled onto my side so I could look at him.

“But I know you, and you’ll want to help with the reconstruction. Once the others find out you are among the living again, I’m giving them all strict orders to not let you.” He wasn’t smiling at all. He stared into my eyes. “This one was really close Jean. Warren never tried to heal someone who’d been dead that long and it didn’t work the first time. I really didn’t believe it would, but Emma and Warren didn’t give up. Your heart did not want to start.”

I didn’t know what to say to him, so I just nodded. I’d be good, not that I felt well enough to go work anyhow, but that had been far to close.

“Do you want me to go get Scott?” He offered quietly. I wish he hadn’t. I know Scott was upset, but I wasn’t feeling up to seeing him just yet. He’d want to talk.

“No, not just yet.” I felt like I’d pass out any second, and wanted the rest.

********

“My God.” I heard it; the loud whisper interrupted my rest. When I opened my eyes I stared into his face. He looked stunned, like he wasn’t sure this wasn’t a dream or nightmare. “Jean? I didn’t believe her… but… Jean?”

“Hi Scott.” My voice was still weak. Apparently Emma reached her limit with letting him suffer and told him about this. I felt better, so I must have had a decent nap, but I didn’t feel good enough for this.

“Oh Jean, I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked as he moved to the side of my bed. “What Emma and I did was so stupid.” I felt a flash of anger at that. Here I was coming back to life and he wanted me to forgive him. It felt rather selfish to me. I wasn’t up for this discussion now, but how could I get out of it?

“Let’s not talk about this now.” I was surprised that I wanted to pull away when he took my hand. I didn’t want him touching me, and I hadn’t even realized I felt like that.

“I had to get away and think. You know how I need space when…” His voice was eager, desperate for me to say I understood. “I was confused.” He wasn’t even listening to me. I pulled my hand out of his and ignored his surprise that I did that as I struggled into a sitting position, waving his helping hand away.

“When I wanted to talk you left. I don’t feel like talking now.” I glared at him. “Why is it only you get to make these decisions Scott? You may be the team leader, but that doesn’t extend into our relationship.”

“Jean?” Henry came in a bit quickly, and stopped running when he saw Scott next to my bed staring at me like I’d grown a new head. “Oh Scott, I see you’ve found my latest patient.”

“And when were you all going to tell me she was alive?” He had the nerve to sound angry. That’s right Scott, hide behind being leader when things don’t go your way, I thought with bitter sarcasm.

“When she was up for visitors, which she’s not.” I was surprised to see the doctor stand up tall and stare down my husband. “Her heart can’t take a lot of stress just yet. Perhaps you should leave and let her rest.” Henry then ignored Scott and moved to my side. It was interesting to see Scott being treated the way some people had been treating Emma. As far as I was concerned I was grateful to Henry for putting the blame where it belonged and giving me an excuse to put this talk off. “Jean, how do you feel?” He pulled up a chair and sat by my side. Scott stood stiffly while Henry took his time checking my vitals again. “I don’t like how fast your heart monitor was going. You need to take it easy.” He scolded me. “We just got you back, and I don’t want to lose you again. I’m going to restrict visitation on you.”

~Thank you~ I sent to him as Scott looked nervous and guilty that he’d risked my health.

~I’m not exaggerating that much Jean. Take it easy.~ He sent to me then turned to face Scott. “I’m going to give her a sedative. Perhaps you should go tell the others the good news, and that I’ll send news up when she can have visitors again.”

“I could stay…” He spoke softly and I sighed.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I spoke gently, but Scott looked like I’d hurt him pretty badly. He left without saying much after that, and I felt a twinge of pain knowing that he was probably going to Emma.

Once we were alone Henry seemed to relax. “I can order him away until you’re ready.” He gave me a weak smile of support. “Anyone else you’d prefer to avoid?”

“No… no, I’m fine.”

“So our Ms. Frost is still welcome?” He asked and I looked up into his curious eyes. Henry was always a smart man.

“Emma’s always welcome.” I felt a bit less hopeful that visit would happen. She had Scott now. “If she decides to visit.”

“I’m sure she will.” He patted my leg gently and then reached out to the IV I had in my arm. “I was serious about the rest.” Was all I heard before the drugs put me back under.

********

I stared at the television Henry dragged down here for me as it played Beauty and the Beast. We’d both had a chuckle when he pulled that one out. He didn’t want me watching the news, which did concern me. Was it so bad he thought it would upset me too much? Just the thought of it upset me.

I heard the door opened and I tensed up worrying that it was Scott again. He’d come by to see me earlier and Henry sent him away. When I saw Emma instead I relaxed. “So how are you feeling?” Emma asked softly as she moved to my side. I noticed that Henry just glanced up from his work across the room and then went back to it. Not at all the reaction that Scott had gotten.

“I’m feeling a bit stronger.” But not strong enough to leave. Even I could tell that. “And Henry hasn’t been the best company today, so I’m a tad bored.”

“Well, he did promise the government his research dear.” Emma moved to sit beside my bed, making it look like she’d stay a while. “And I doubt they could read his handwriting.” She glanced at the television then turned to give me a conspiratorial grin. Her voice dropped just a tad as she leaned closer. “No dancing furniture for you, at least for a few more days.”

I blushed just a bit as I could hear my heart monitor jump just a bit when she did that. It just felt so intimate having her leaning close to me like that. “I know, otherwise I would have danced this bed out of here hours ago.”

“If I could take you out to the Rose garden I would.” Emma gave me a gentle smile. “It would have been fair, but you are hooked up to more machinery than I was. Maybe later.”

I gave her a small smile, even though I felt like beaming with that acknowledgment that she wasn’t going to abandon me down here. Maybe there still was hope here. “That would be nice.”

“I could use a break.” She turned to face the television. “All that digging through the mansion trying to salvage things is hardly fun. Do you mind if I stay down here and watch the movie with you?” Like I was going to say no to pleasant company? She stayed and made the occasional amusing comment about what happened on the screen. It was the best I’d felt since I woke up again, but I could feel the tension of what wasn’t being talked about. Doubtlessly Emma was told that talking about Scott was off limits, since thinking about him tended to upset me. I thought people were afraid to upset me before when they were concerned about the Phoenix Force, but this concern about my heart made it worse.

Once the credits started to show Emma stood up and stretched. “Warren is planning to come down later and give you another transfusion. We’ll see if we can’t heal you a bit faster.” She patted my leg through the covers. “I better get back to work, before anyone realizes that I’ve snuck off.”

“You have to sneak away to see me?” I asked and noticed the shadow in her eyes for a moment before she covered it. Of course she wouldn’t want Scott to realize that she was visiting me. It was best if he didn’t realize that I was having visitors but he wasn’t allowed to be one of them.

“The school is really a mess. We are trying to salvage what we can before we start reconstruction.” She sighed, “It gives me a good cover. As far as everyone is concerned I spent this last hour going through the ruins that were my rooms and came out with nothing salvageable.”

“And my room?” I could see from the look on her face that it was all gone.

“Once you’re up to it, we can go shopping again.” I nodded but it didn’t help the sting I felt at losing my photos, and the other things that just couldn’t ever be replaced. I bet if I hadn’t moved near the attic some of it might have survived. Our old bedroom had been on the ground floor.

“I’ll come by after dinner.” She spoke softly.

A nap and another movie later Warren came in to try the transfusion for a third time. I felt a bit better, and from the look on Henry’s face when he looked me over, it was helping. “A little longer and you’ll be up for that stroll in the gardens.” Henry smiled at me and winked. I blushed at his knowing look, and a quick glance at Warren showed that he didn’t catch it. Good.

Emma’s post dinner visit was very brief, and I felt a bit disappointed, but she did promise to come back the next day.

********

Shortly before lunch Emma came in and my smile slowly faded as I noticed the expression on her face. She didn’t look very happy as she came to the side of my bed. “Henry can I talk with Jean alone?” She asked him before talking to me. I could feel the buzz of telepathic communication going on before he left. He didn’t say anything, but the look he gave me was supportive.

“What is it?” I asked as I watched her playing with an envelope in her hands.

“I picked up the mail and…” Emma handed over the envelope she had and I turned it over to see the lawyers office name in the corner, and Scott’s name as addressee. “Are you sure about this?” Emma asked softly. “It isn’t too late to stop it.”

I felt the thick envelope, knowing what papers were in there. When I looked up I noticed I had Emma’s full attention. “I’m sure.” I spoke quietly.

“He’ll be down here as soon as he gets this.” So she was warning me. I nodded.

“Henry thinks I can handle stress now.” I muttered, not that I wanted to handle this particular stress. I had a feeling Emma had heard that. I wouldn’t doubt that she’d been hiding this piece of mail for a while. When that suspicion hit me I checked the postage date. Funny how it was mailed out over a week ago.

“So I should give it to him?” She didn’t sound happy with this, and really it wasn’t her place. I couldn’t ask her to deliver my divorce papers.

“No, I can handle it.” I sighed. I guess it was time to get dressed in something more than a hospital gown. Could I do this here? Or should I go up? Henry had removed the machinery monitoring me after Warren’s last visit.

When I started to move Emma moved back so I could swing my legs over the side of the bed. “Do you think you could wait until I have a chance to talk with him?” I looked into her blue eyes and could see she’d lost a bit of her pride in asking that. It confused me for a moment, until I realized what she might need to talk to him about.

“Okay.” I stopped my movement and just sat there awkwardly for a moment. She was still thinking about him. My nightmare could still come true. At least I didn’t have to pack, I didn’t own anything anymore. When she turned to leave I couldn’t let her go. “Emma,” It sounded a bit too pleading to my ears. She stopped but didn’t turn around. I took some time to just stare at her tense back. Truth, now or never… I took a deep breath. “I died twice that day, and each time I thought of you.”

She nodded and I could hear her breath hitch a bit, but she kept moving for the door. “I just need to know Jean.” Know what? I thought it but I couldn’t ask. She was already gone.

********

I could have had dinner with the others. It was barbeque, and would be for a while, as they all had to rough it. I was sick of these four walls, but had Henry bring me my dinner anyhow. I told myself I was avoiding the confrontation with Scott because Emma asked me to wait, but really I was grateful for the excuse.

It didn’t stop me from torturing myself with my imagination as I wondered how Emma’s talk with Scott would go. I imagined him telling her that he’d fallen out of love with me, and he wanted her. That he loved her. I knew he could be convincing, that he held a certain charm. I hadn’t fallen in love with him in the beginning for no reason, he was attractive in many ways. Ways that no longer were enough for me, but might be for her.

It was a couple hours after dinner when Emma’s mental touch interrupted my crossword puzzle. ~Jean, he’s on the way.~ Her mental voice was so distant I couldn’t tell what she was feeling or what might have happened. I had to push that out of my mind as I moved to change in the bathroom. I wasn’t doing this in my pajamas.

I came out just as the door opened and Scott came in. He stared at me and my choice of clothes, all I had left really was my uniform. It wasn’t quiet the wrong message, but still far more blatant than I’d wanted to be.

“Hello Scott.” I spoke as I moved to the chair, not the bed. I wasn’t feeling very good. My stomach felt rebellious, and my hands shook just a little.

“I heard you were up for visitors.” He seemed cautious as he studied me. I noticed his eyes travel to the envelope I was playing with in my hands. It made me set it down. I had to work up to that, even if part of me would love to just hand it to him and leave. I had things I needed to say, things he’d refused to listen to before.

A quick glance around showed that Henry had left during my trip to change. Emma might have warned him too. “I am feeling a bit better. If I had a room to go to I would have left already, but I figure I have it better here.” I gave him a weak smile.

Scott moved to the side of another bed and grabbed the chair, dragging it over by me. He seemed a bit subdued this time. My refusing to see him obviously woke him up to the fact all wasn’t well. I could have waited for him to talk, but the words seemed to bubble out of me. “You lied to me. I asked you point blank if something was going on between you and Emma and you looked me in the eye and lied to my face.” He just sat there with a stone expression, like I was some sort of villain whose insane accusations he’d have to endure. That only fueled my anger. “How could you think that wasn’t an affair? Did you think I’d approve? Did you think I’d just look the other way? No, you knew it would upset me.” I took a deep breath, to try and keep myself from yelling. His stoic act wasn’t welcome. He was still trying to control this situation, this time with his silence. “If I’d done something like this, you would have called it an affair.”

“I was confused. I have all these feelings from my possession that…”

“Don’t tell me I don’t understand you bastard.” I growled at him, and that seemed to startle him. “If you’d talked to me you would have realized that I understand. Take responsibility for what you’ve done. This I was confused, I made a mistake forgive me crap isn’t gonna cut it.”

His jaw tensed, “Fine, how about you were turning into something I couldn’t relate to anymore? Do you want to hear about how I felt watching you become this thing?” He waved his hand at the fire I hadn’t noticed burning around me. The Phoenix Force. “You were losing your humanity, and I couldn’t do anything.”

“You didn’t even try.” My eyes burned, but I made the effort to pull the fire in. Thing, that made me sick and hurt in a way I wasn’t prepared to deal with now. “I’m going through just as much if not more than you, and you didn’t see me sneaking around behind your back. I respected you too much to treat you like that, and it hurt that you think so little of me that you’d do this to me.”

“How was I supposed to help you? You were becoming some weird destructive god.”

“You should have asked that earlier.” I refused to let myself cry now. “Instead of sneaking around behind my back. I had to find out from my students, MY STUDENTS, that my husband was being unfaithful. Do you have any idea how that felt? How many on the team knew? You had everyone lying to me.” I shook my head and stared at him. “Now I have to wonder where I fit in if even my friends can’t be trusted. Did Logan know? Henry? Who was lying to me?” I didn’t expect an answer, but he needed to realize how much this hurt. How could I live with people that would do this to me. I wanted to be able to forgive them, and I’d try, but this was more than just Scott’s betrayal. His eyes widened and I imagined he was seeing how this would affect the team, not how it affected me. How betrayed I felt.

“I didn’t ever actually touch her.” His sad excuse just disgusted me.

I shoved the paper across the table toward him. “You ran when I needed to talk to you, and you lied to me for months.” I watched him hesitantly pick it up and turn it around to see the return address. His eyes widened. The bastard had the nerve to look surprised as he opened it to see the thick stack of papers. “I would have told you I was considering this but you never called either. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Jean.” He stared up from the papers at me, his voice breathless with shock. “You can’t possibly mean…”

“I want a divorce.” My voice shook as I said that. “You were so fucking arrogant thinking you could just run away and decide what woman you wanted. I made my own decision.” I glared at him, “And if Emma learned anything from this she’d make the same one. Scott, you fucked up, and you fucked up big.” I could see his lips press together at my vocabulary, he was always a bit prudish about that, but really, it was the best way to describe the mess he’d made. I shouldn’t bring Emma into this, but I had to say it. “She needed you, and you abandoned her too. What did you do to make anyone want you Scott? You can’t treat women like this and expect us to take it. To wait around for you to decide to love us… it doesn’t work that way. I was planning your mistress’ funeral Scott, I was doing that alone. She deserved better.”

He looked a bit stunned at my bringing Emma into this. “But I do love you Jean. I made a mistake.” Oh, God… don’t tell me he’s going to ignore what he did to her. What he did to her hurt me too, but he wouldn’t understand that. I thought he was a better man than he proved to be.

“That’s a shame Scott, because I don’t love you like that anymore.” I managed to say it with a cold voice. My heart screamed at the cruelty and the way his face fell. I shouldn’t have to still love him, shouldn’t have to still care. “It is over. Just sign the papers.”

He took the pen and glared at me, like I was the one to betray him. He wrote large and sloppy as he barely looked at the papers, and then he tossed the pen across the room in a childish tantrum. “Fine.” I could see his chin shake a bit as he fought tears and turned to storm out of the room. I waited another few moments before I finally let my own fall.

Henry didn’t come back right away, but he came back quickly enough for me to suspect he hadn’t gone far. His large sad eyes held too much sympathy for me to look at. “I didn’t know, I suspected, but I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” He whispered and my tears started up with more vengeance than before. I held out my arms and he came to me for a hug. I clung to him, letting him know that I forgave him.

********

It wasn’t until very late at night, or early in the morning that something else dawned on me. Emma had to know that Scott had picked me. She’d wanted her answer before I served the papers, and it had to rip her heart out. No wonder I didn’t see her later. I hoped that this wouldn’t hurt our relationship, that she wouldn’t take this out on me. It took me a while to fall back to sleep after that, and I slept poorly for the few hours until it must be daylight outside.

I need to go shopping, I thought as I once again put my uniform on and snuck out around Henry’s tired form. He’d fallen asleep on his desk again. The elevator had a few buttons covered over in tape, the floors that didn’t exist anymore. I hit the top one, the one that would get me above ground.

Seeing the destruction with my own eyes made it more horrifying. A path had been made through the mess, but as I got outside and looked back it was obvious the entire building was a lost cause. The sun was coming up and I could see trailers and tents spread out across the lawn. I really did have it better in the medlab.

I was careful as I walked around the tents and moved toward the lake. I was almost there when I felt I wasn’t alone. Her eyes were staring at the sky like they’d answer her questions, and her arms were wrapped around her as if keeping the cold out. With her uniform she may actually be keeping the cold out, but she looked so fragile.

“Emma.” I spoke quietly. She turned a bit quickly, I’d surprised her. The tears in her eyes made my heart ache. Scott was a fool.

“He made up his mind.” She gave me a weak smile. “Foolish boy should have checked to see if you were still on the market.”

“I’m sorry.” I took another step toward her. I’m sorry he hurt her, that she’s feeling this pain. I’m not sorry that he won’t have her though, and her slight glare showed that she knew that.

“You were right. He did just give some lame apology and his decision. Maybe if you hadn’t died in front of him it would have been different, but…” Her fists clenched and her voice rose a little, “But I died too, and I didn’t see him…” Her tears broke my standstill. I moved to her, and whether she wanted it or not, I pulled her into a hug.

“He’s a fool to not see…” I muttered softly, and her tense body started to relax, “what I see.”

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to forgive him, but I did.” She whispered. “I did, and he just…”

“Well now you know.” It hurt that she’d sought this information out before she’d give me my answer, before she’d consider me.

“That wasn’t what I was waiting to know.” She pulled back and stared into my eyes. “I heard no one could split you two apart, that once he talked to you… you’d work it out. Everyone was so convinced that you’d work it out.”

“Why?” I didn’t understand. It sounded like the same thing to me.

“Because I hurt you enough. If you could salvage this, I had to let you.” Emma pulled away from me and took a few steps toward the water. “We both needed to know what he came up with. You would have wondered too.”

“His decision isn’t the one I was waiting for.”

She gave a weak chuckle. “You realize people will talk.” I could see a smile as I moved to stand beside her. When I reached out my hand, she took it. We both stood on the waters edge watching the sunrise.